INSIDIOUS VAMPIRE OVERLORD RETURNS

BY MIRROR STATE FEBRUARY 06,2016

The incumbent President was led away to a secure facility within an hour after attempting to declare a "Purge Night". The FBI were swift to act, leaving the government rudderless as forces from Eastern Europe swept westward.

President John has created intrigue by referencing God twice in his one minute speech today. This follows rumours that crucifixes have been shipped into the White House by the garden door.

What follows is the transcript of news reports from throughout the crisis. Patriot Broadcasting were oddly absent from proceedings. News24 are a somewhat neutral but heavily tabloid media company and Worldwide Press are a well regarded international news organisation.

GNC19:20 Let's make America great again!
Liberals have undermined our great nation long enough lets buckle up and bring freedom to who needs it most: Other countries!

GNC19:27 Two party system collapsed
It seems that our beloved two party system has collapsed over night and the president is now a democrat and republican at the same time. End of democracy?

GNC19:30 FBI anxiously awaiting budget
Leading figures within the FBI today confirmed there is anxiety surrounding financial decisions being made by The White House.

GNC19:32 Lets put another flag!
NASA officials are planning to launch a new mission to the moon. We beat the commies and we can beat china! On other news NSA wants to announce that it will defend the citiznes odf the Us by all means.

GNC19:34 American skateboarders not the best anymore?
Reports indicate that Japanese skateboarders are using earthquake shock waves to accalerate their jumps. Is the US falling behind?

GNC19:36 NSA useless? Never!
Anonymous sources were verifying reports on CDC attacks on NSA budget? Is CDC not interested in our safety?

GNC19:38 Railway Horror in China
Concern announced today in relation to the Chinese railway infrastructure following an incident outside Beijing. A passenger train came off it's rail and put the live of two hundred people at risk. Senior officials have been called to account and encouraged to ask questions as to where the faulty rails were sourced.

GNC19:38 Shakey Fakies
Japanese skateboarders are timing their tricks with earthquake tremors to create earth-shattering new jumps!

GNC19:43 Government finally acts
We can expect a decrease in terrorist attacks as government decided to increase surveillance!

GNC19:45 White House keen to tackle Gun Crime
President Thimmy's final act to be last minute legislation to reduce gun crimes. Keen to create a meaningful legacy before the end of his term, the President is reportedly focusing budgets towards a serious assault on key demographics.

GNC19:45 Racism used to justify gun control
The current legislation decided to use gun control one of our constitutional rights as a means of racism limiting the ownership to black people only.

GNC19:45 Racism used to justify gun control
The current legislation decided to use gun control one of our constitutional rights as a means of racism limiting the ownership to black people only.

GNC19:47 Giant Meteor causes Eclipse
A gigantic lump of rock has suddenly appeared and created an unexpected solar eclipse.

GNC19:47 Oh, Mr President
We can all agree that the heart of our nation is also something of a heartthrob, and word on the street is that the Oval Office may recently have been privy to a non-political affair...

GNC19:48 Agency response Inadequate
Criticism has been raised as to why solar eclipse was not pre-empted by NASA

GNC19:48 Why do we support our enemies?
The president decided to support China financially? Why aren't we funding american schools?

GNC19:50 NASA Didn't Know
Sources inside NASA confirmed they were unaware there has been a solar eclipse, despite spending billions surveying the skies.

GNC19:50 A cap on caps? No biggie, says Whitehouse
The President has decided to tighten up on gun control, by restricting access to guns for black people....

GNC19:52 Tension in the White House
As whispers of the President's love-life continue, additional speculation points to a serious "lack of trust" within his senior team.

GNC19:53 Total Eclipse
The largest asteroid ever seen has passed between the Earth and the Sun, causing a week-long eclipse. Crops may wither, livestock will die, and WE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO TAN!!

GNC19:53 Meteor causing harvest fails in eastern Europe?
Has the recent meteor passing destroys the harvest in eastern Europe? But this isn't the worst news about the asteroid it will hit earth according to private sources.

GNC19:53 Internal Issues Dominate News
President Thimmy and his executive have come under further criticism following reports that they are unconcerned by international events.

GNC19:54 Can Prosperity corp save us?
Can the organic agricultural products of prosperity corb save us from the draught in eastern europe? We think yes!

GNC19:57 President Prioritizes US issues
Yet more controversy for President Thimmy as international food disasters threaten his focus on gun control.

GNC19:58 Your country needs you!
A national campaign for military recruits has sparked concerns about an insufficient number of men in uniform. Come on guys, your country needs you.

GNC19:59 NASA denies that Astroid will hit earth
NASA is investigating the Asteroid but denies it's gonna hit.

GNC19:59 NSA finally acting
NSA increases CCTV operations. We're sure everybody will be relieved about the increased security.

GNC20:00 Fears Meteor may threaten food Production
Following yesterday's solar eclipse experts call for more research into the threat posed for growing plants. Given the inadequate response so far from US agencies and lack of interest from the White House there are worries that internal issues are overshadowing global risk.

GNC20:04 Stockpile food now!
According to reports the asteroid will cause a famine at least.

GNC20:04 Prosperity Prospers as People Starve
One of America's leading corporations has been accused of capitalizing on the death's of Europe's children in a bid to boost it's share price

GNC20:05 Today on Rock Watch
NASA has received government funding to track the giant meteor, which is apparently NOT going to hit Earth. Does anyone else think that paying someone to watch a rock seems like a bit of a waste of money?

GNC20:08 FBI funded to tackle unknown Facist group
Significant US dollars are being funneled towards the FBI in a bid to tackle a Fascist group that may not actually exist.

GNC20:09 Mr Prizident
Running the country, saving the world... is there anything our President can't do?! Clearly not, as he's been voted #1 in our readers' poll of Hottest Political Figures 2016.

GNC20:11 President Babbles to Nation
Rodeos, rainbows and coherent nonsense were today broadcast from the White House steps causing further speculation that Thimmy is not up to the job.

GNC20:11 State of the nation
In an inspired speech the president addressed the nation. Bringing great American Values back into the mind of the its citizens.

GNC20:12 Policies not Pecs
Following his award as 'Hottest Male' there have been calls that President Thimmy should focus on the real issues - railway disasters in China and starving children for example.

GNC20:15 Asia hit by Earthquake
BREAKING NEWS - there have been reports of tremors across Asia causing further chaos across many nations.

GNC20:16 Solar Eclipse Continues
The largest near-earth object on record has passed between the sun and earth at such a speed as to cause a full eclipse over a period of a week. Fears are that crop harvests and livestock may be affected.

GNC20:19 Universified Vision
Rumour has it one of our corporations is looking to move from bean-counting to star-gazing, after being spotted in talks with NASA...

GNC20:19 Terrorist thread imminent?
Is the NSA and CIA underfunded? Unofficial sources speak of an imminent terrorist thread.

GNC20:21 Blood Disease Sweeps Europe
A rare infectious blood disease sweeping Eastern Europe has stimulated a mutation, the infected individuals displaying unusual levels of strength and speed.

GNC20:21 Carb crisis
Crop failures in Asia are causing global fears about a global shortage of carbohydrates. Dear God, no.

GNC20:23 God is Punishing Us
A week long eclipse, Tremors in Asia, Disease and Famine in Europe - Religious Leaders raise questions regarding this unprecidented level of threat to humanity.

GNC20:24 President wins Award
According to the presidential office the president just recieved an award for being the single one president with the highest approval ratings in the history of the US. We are looking forward to see him in his second legislation! What a time to be alive!

GNC20:24 DOD Doesn't Do Vampires
DOD officials today dismissed rumors of vampires being the cause of the solar eclipse. "We don't believe" they said when questioned.

GNC20:24 Everything is fine
NASA has confirmed that the meteor has exited the Earth's orbit without incident, and everything is now fine. Let's all celebrate by buying shoes.

GNC20:24 Meteor passes
According to NASA officials the Metoer will pass earth and not cause any damage.

GNC20:27 True Blood? Apparently not
A source at the Department of Defence has denied that the eclipse was caused by vampires.

GNC20:28 Can NASA be trusted?
Following claims that the meteor will not impact the Earth, questions have been raised among White House officials that the lead agency may not be reliable.

GNC20:31 Taxes kill jobs
The Legislation is working on a bill to reduce taxes. This will increase employment significantly. Commodity Adept is keen to employ more people to manufacture there newest machinery that just entered the market. Only a non American would vote against that bill.

GNC20:32 Rail Crash Caused By Earthquake
Officials today confirmed they are investigating a link between the recent Chinese rail disaster and tremors across Asia.

GNC20:35 Bird Flu is Back says CDC
Sources within CDC today confirmed a link between avian flu and recent reports of blood disease in Europe. Source of the outbreak is understood to be a dome

GNC20:37 Domestic Animal Caused Outbreak
CDC sources confirm a domestic animal was the cause of recent infection in Transylvania. Links to bird flu are being corroborated.

GNC20:40 Tussle at the Whiite House
Strong words have been shared between the President and current Press Secretary. Allegations of corruption and bribery are believed to be the reasons.

GNC20:42 Disagreement in the White House
Our beloved president and his press secretary seem to have entered a state of very frosted relationships. Let's hope our government isn't loosing efficiency.

GNC20:43 Food cloning is go!
Prosperity Corporation has confirmed that its Alaskan Seed Bank is now fully stocked with cloned food. Which means more food for all, and we're one step closer to multiple Hugh Jackmans. #winning

GNC20:43 NASA Goes Begging
While global disasters hit, space agency NASA is launching it's direct fundraising campaign to request donations from the American people. Priorities may need looking at as budget reviews continue.

GNC20:45 President is a Liar
Outraged Press Secretary launched a vicious attack on the President today. Branding him a liar and accusing him of wasting money on internal staffing complaints

GNC20:46 Press secretary claims award doesn't exist
The press secretary is very unhappy about the current information flow in the government. She is also claiming that the presidents award doesn't exist.

GNC20:49 News channels dishonest?
The FBI is investigating bad practices in the N24 network? What is going on there?

GNC20:52 Cabinet united again!
After severe disagreement in the Cabinet they have finally come together again due to the great leadership of our president. As a side fackt in the process of uniting the cabinet the president saved a kitten from drowning.

GNC20:54 Increased Interest in GNC Media
The nation's favourite independent media company has seen 40% of shares purchased by Corporations. So far your editorial team has seen off this aggressive take-over bid.

GNC21:01 Solar Storm Adds to Woes
Solar storm creates giant electro-magnetic pulse, heavily affecting radio communication around the world for a period of a week.

GNC21:02 Something bugging you?
The CDC has published a set of top tips to beat insect-borne diseases, which include using mosquito nets at night, wearing insect repellent, and seeking medical attention if a bite becomes infected.

GNC21:03 New Smartphones to conquer the world
Unified Financial Vision just released it's newest Product: A state of the art smartphone!. Being the fastest and most prestigous in the market it is sure to be outsold within days so grab yours now!

GNC21:03 Space Budget Cut Despite Solar Storm
Poor agency relationships have been blamed for further budget cuts planned for NASA and other space agencies. At a time when meteors and solar storms are going unnoticed.

GNC21:04 NASA needs funding
NASA is asking the public to fund a mission to send someone into space. Sponsored moonwalk, anyone?

GNC21:04 Brits getting slaughtered
A coach party of British vacationers have been found massacred just outside Bucharest. Local news sources say the victims had been "butchered".

GNC21:07 American Power Party good or bad?
We all heard of the recently formed American Power Party. Their aim to make America great again sounds like a good idea but can they be trusted?

GNC21:07 LAPD Clash with American Power Group
Scenes of violence have hit the streets of Los Angeles as controversial group, 'American Power' attacked armed police. Sources close to the President suggest this is a direct result of attempts to tackle gun crime among minority groups.

GNC21:09 Oil reserves getting low?
With the plump in oil prices many american oil companies hat to shut down. Maybe it's time to get cheaper oilfields from outside america?

GNC21:09 The Smart Choice
Top of this week's Lust List is the new smartphone from Unified Financial Vision. It's fast, slick, and takes amazing #selfies. Your face needs this.

GNC21:09 Who is Funding American Power?
Yet another financial thread that must be explored.

GNC21:10 Terrorsits?
NSA getting secret security briefing from government.

GNC21:12 The hammer is biting party guests to death
Paris- Well known public figure the Hammer has bitten several people to death during a Party. Some people are speculating about a zombie like attack.

GNC21:14 Prosperity Stock Expected to Rise
Giant Corporation Prosperity hinted at good news being announced today. More information at 1pm

GNC21:15 Party Bites
Notorious celebrity Arman "Hammer" Michaud began mauling guests at a party in Paris, killing seven. Thankfully, his Givenchy suit remained free of bloodstains.

GNC21:16 Hammer Horror at Party
Police were called to the home of Arman 'Hammer' Michaud following a brutal incident at his party. It is not yet known if the deaths of 7 people was gang or drug related. FBI have been called to investigate.

GNC21:19 Possible Virus threads? Government infected?
Fear spreads as the government announces a new decease. Has that something to do with the early hibernation in Russia of several animals?

GNC21:20 Press
The Whitehouse has announced the resignation of Press Secretary Christina. Sadness reigns in the N24 office at the loss of a government member who rocked eye-liner so well.

GNC21:21 President fires Press Secretary
Yet more scandal at the White House as popular executive member, Christina is fired. Timing of this announcement is considered poor given much more significant international events.

GNC21:22 What Christina Did Next
Sacked Press Secretary Christina is being approached by a number of agencies to take a top job.

GNC21:23 The Big Sleep
We're big fans of a duvet day here at N24, and it appears the furry populations of Asia and Russia agree with us. Some science-y guys have informed us that local critters have chosen to begin hibernating four months early.

GNC21:24 Cabinet changes
We have a new press secretary and homeland security.Lets hope that this will benefit us all.

GNC21:24 Technology to Tackle Terrors
Timely new technology is announced today that could be used to take down extremist groups. Corp, Commodity Adept Vice President James Wyatt is keen to explore applications both in US and abroad.

GNC21:25 GNC Only Independent News Team
Recent research has confirmed that your favorite media outlet is the ONLY group that remains impervious to bribery.

GNC21:26 Press Secretary released because of mental health issues
The reasons change in the cabinet is apparently mental health issues regarding the secretary of press.

GNC21:26 Clone Food to Save World
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GNC21:27 Antarctica melting?
According to NASA officials the temperatures in Antarctica are rising because of an Ozon hole. NASA is investigating.

GNC21:28 Clone Food to Save World
CEO of Prosperity Corp, Douglas McDoug slammed Government priorities today declaring that investment in food cloning was essential to see off food shortages caused by meteor and solar storm.

GNC21:31 Mental Health Charities Slam President
A group of mental health charities has joined forces to attack the White House following suggestion that Christina was sacked due to incapacity.

GNC21:32 FBI Run Out of Handcuffs
Serious budget cuts are threatening the world of law enforcement officers. Handcuffs have reportedly gone missing. Lesser respectable media outlets have suggested President Thimmy may have some to spare.

GNC21:33 America saving the world!
Earthquakes in China, Famine in Europe. One thing these devastators have in common are the Americans that help the local population. We are helping because we are great!

GNC21:36 UFV expands into Surveillance
As concern about extremist groups rises, UFV Vice President, Sarah Johnson confirmed a new direction for the corporation's research arm.

GNC21:37 Slanderous
N24 wishes to refute GNC's suggestions that we are open to bribes. But we would never turn away chocolate.

GNC21:37 American Power even funded by non Americans?
According to NSA resources American Power gets funding from the middle east. It seems that the idea of making America great again is even attractive to non Americans. A salut to the CIA which is our first defence against external threads.

GNC21:42 New Species of Shark
A giant shark spotted off the coast of Thailand has been claimed as a new species.

GNC21:42 To the bravest of people
The NSA just released a statement that they are fully supporting the President. Let's take a moment to remeber all the great americans serving our coutry in the NSA, CIA, DOD, NASA and FBI.

GNC21:43 FBI praised for Mosque Control
Riots by American Party members against a mosque were effectively dealt with by FBI, sources confirm.

GNC21:45 Fishy business
A mega shark has been spotted off the coast of Thailand. Keep your eyes peeled for a giant octopus!

GNC21:47 Exclusive interview with American Power
We had an exclusive interview with the press man of American Power and let's just say America will be great again. According to the spokesman they are funded by private individuals and they are currently thinking about running for the next election.

GNC21:49 Technology Advances all around
The NSA and NASA just entered a public private partnership with commodity adept to improve surveillance technology while UFW is releasing their new EMP shields for smartphones! They are looking into further implications in other fields.

GNC21:50 Web of Power
The American Party membership has increased significantly due to the success of internet campaigns similar to those used by ISIS.

GNC21:51 Semeru explodes - Mexico next
Geologist believe that the recent seismic shocks are a series of connected events and that Mexico will be next on the hit list

GNC21:52 APP for President
Shocking announcements today that American Power Party have launched a bid to rule the White House.

GNC21:52 Party Time!
The American Power Party (previously American Power) has announced it intends to elect a Presidential candidate.

GNC21:52 President Urged to Comment on APP threat
US President Thimmy has yet to comment on the rise of controversial American Power Party.

GNC21:54 Too Much News
In this internet age, new research suggests we are overwhelmed with 24 hour coverage.This editor's fingers are certainly tired.

GNC21:55 American Power Party growing!
American Power Party growing to 200 thousand members and is currently looking for a presidential candidate. Maybe they are our last hope to make America great again.

GNC21:55 Will you be my Valentine?
Don't forget that the best way to cope with the misery of new shark species, racist groups and bird flu is to find someone to cuddle up with.

GNC21:57 It's a whale wash-up
The remains of a humpback whale have washed up on the beach in San Diego. The whale appeared to have been attacked by a huge shark-like creature. Way to kill a Pina Colada buzz.

GNC22:01 Serious Chemistry
A source at the Whitehouse has hinted that the President's bond with the Secretary of State may be a little more than just friends... There goes the dream of being Mrs President.

GNC22:03 Millions Wasted by President Mismanagement
How much more financial mismanagement can US cope with? President Thimmy has been slammed today for spending on investigations that have gone nowhere.

GNC22:05 Some Presidents are Gay, Get Over It.
An online survey has been launched to test public opinion on whether they'd care about a President of the US being gay. Have your say on our website.

GNC22:06 President against Democracy
Comments from the President of the US let assume that he thinks a new party like the American Power Party would be 'undemocratic'. Maybe he should read the constitution next time before making such statements.

GNC22:07 Some Presidents are Gay, Get Over It.
An online survey has been launched to test public opinion on whether they'd care about a President of the US being gay. Have your say on our website.

GNC22:08 CEO investigated by FBI wants to run for president
How far have we come? Prosperity Corp CEO who is currently under surveillance wants to run for President. How can this happen in our America?

GNC22:08 Purge Day Introduced
Stealing his ideas from dreadful Hollywood Blockbusters, the President has today annoucned a national purge day on February 6th. Sources at the White House were quick to retract this news.

GNC22:09 President stealing Idea from Rick and Morty
After going mad our president announced a purge day. Obviously stealing this idea from famous tv show Rick and Morty he was arrested short after the announcement.

GNC22:09 Arrested Development
President Thimmy has been arrested!!!

GNC22:10 FBI Arrest President
It seems the handcuff crisis has been resolved as President Thimmy has been marched off for interrogation.

GNC22:10 President removed from Power
Chaos at the White House today as Vice President steps in following mental breakdown of most unpopular president in history

GNC22:11 First empeacement in US history
President kicked out of office

GNC22:12 President Removed
BREAKING NEWS: For the first time in American history, the President has been removed from power due to a "mental breakdown". He has been replaced by the Secretary of Defence. But what this journalist really wants to know is, does he look as good in a suit?

GNC22:12 Volcanic Cloud drifts towards US
Whilst drama erupts in the White House, the skies go dark yet again as billions of tons of ash drift across from Asia.

GNC22:18 Our last hope
Our current legislation has failed tremendously. Maybe it's time to choose an alternative to make America great agai and this alternative is the American Power Party!

GNC22:24 Our hope lies in Warrior Robots
After the disturbances in the US government we need to go back to one of our most precious values: Security and how to implement security better than with the 1st Pragmatic groups new warrior robot line?

GNC22:27 President Approved Cloning
Former President Thimmy approved controversial cloning experiments which have resulted in duplicate animals being born in US.

GNC22:28 Youtube Glorifies Train Crash
Internet site Youtube has come under fire for boasting of millions of viewings of horror crash in Asia.

GNC22:30 Make Love not War say French Docs
Fertility rates in Europe have plummeted in recent years causing concerns about declining population.

GNC22:33 Half a million member
American Power now has half a million members. The ever growing crowed of supporters is legitimating the new party more and more.

GNC22:33 Full Metal Jacket
In response to public demand for increased security, 1st Pragmatic Group has launched a line of warrior robots. Sources have confirmed that the robot cases can be customised with the finish of your choice.

GNC22:35 Youtube Glorifies Train Crash
Internet site Youtube has come under fire for boasting of millions of viewings of horror crash in Asia.

GNC22:36 American Power Party having first official gathering in Iowa

GNC22:38 Cannabis Boom in UK
Sales of Ultra-violent lamps have soared in UK this year it has been confirmed. The lamps which emit narrow beams of light are thought to be used to grow weed.

GNC22:40 UFV shares up despite lack of direction
Sarah Johnson, Vice President held a press briefing today to reassure investors that in-spite of a lack of Government contracts the corps finances are looking good.

GNC22:42 More Dead found in Mexico
As the ash cloud moves ever nearer to US, further bodies have been found at the site of the disaster.

GNC22:42 Former Vice President very suspicious of American Power
The new President seems to continue the suspicion around American Power. Is this because he is afraid of a new contestant during the next election?

GNC22:44 Manic Start for New President
President John admits his first few hours in power have been manic. However, he is keen to reassure the US that there is not a leadership issue. Members of the press shared concerns about a lock down with ministers unable to speak out.

GNC22:46 Press Ban Lifted
President John has confirmed he intends to remove the current ban preventing agencies from talking to the press. Which means N24 will be able to start sharing real news again, instead of shoe shopping on eBay.

GNC22:47 Joined Up Investigation
President John has described how he called in his senior team to ensure all agencies are working together to tackle "unprecidented geological and meteoralogical happenings".

GNC22:47 President announces to increase transparency
After increasing transparency in budgetary issues the president wants to increase the rights of agencies and their heads to speak to the media and therefore increase freedom of speech.

GNC22:48 Reshuffle not an issue
Secretary of Defense, Pete has dampened rumors that there are issues with the President's reshuffle. "We are all working together very effectively under the new administration" he said.

GNC22:49 Saving People is Not a Priority
Head of CDC, Doctor Alex has alleged that Corp Prosperity are more concerned with profit than saving people in Europe.

GNC22:50 Saving People is Not a Priority
Head of CDC, Doctor Alex has alleged that Corp Prosperity are more concerned with profit than saving people in Europe.

GNC22:50 Rocks and Bugs
President John has confirmed America is currently facing issues of extremism, disease and bloody awful weather. I don't know about you, but this reporter is going back to bed.

GNC22:53 Sheeps over Peeps
Sources at the CDC have stated that Prosperity Corporation is refusing to provide vaccines to people in Europe, because it is choosing to focus on livestock.

GNC22:53 Latvian separatists supported by Russia
After the EU announced to support the Latvian government against the rebels on the Russian border Russia has announces to do the same for the rebels. See the hole documentary of a possible 3rd world war after todays evening show.

GNC22:54 But What's He like in Bed?
It appears that despite mega global crisis, new President's John Thomas is still of more interest to female voters than his policies. Sources close to the President have refused to comment.

GNC22:55 Government Agents slacking off?
It seems that more and more agencies are rather having lunch than working on making America great again. We need a change now! Lets make America great again. Maybe American Power can do exactly that.

GNC22:56 Vaccination Not Proven as Safe
Prosperity Douglas McDoug guy says he does care about people he wants them to eat well and stay safe but won't be forced to spend on distributing an unproven vaccine.

GNC22:57 FBI tries to stop Violence in Tampa
Deploying a tactical team they surrounded the rioters quickly and are now enforcing peace. More news to follow.

GNC22:57 Gross Growths
Mould spores growing in human throats are causing respiratory problems for people in Brazil. N24 has yet to hear whether mouthwash sales have increased.

GNC22:58 UFV deploying drugs to Europe
Story - 500 chars max

GNC22:58 Hug it out
The Whitehouse has stated it considers APP to be a terrorist organisation due to its anti-Islam rhetoric, as it feels America should be fully inclusive. Seriously uncool, APP.

GNC23:00 White House declares APP are Anti-American
Secretary of Defense, Pete has openly condemning members of ever-growing APP. "America thrives as an inclusive country and we know true Americans support us in this".

GNC23:00 Health controls in Florida
Implementing Border Controls the CDC is deploying a specialist team to investigate the health issues in Florida.

GNC23:05 C3P Uh Oh
1st Pragmatic Group's robots are so effective they have caused 90% of US citizens to become unemployed. Thankfully, the robots don't know how to make puns, so this journalist's job is safe.

GNC23:06 No End to Corruption
Hopes that the new Executive team might improve the state of politics have been damaged again by leaks, confirmed by the CIA, that former Secretary of State was hoping to sell exclusive access rights to the highest media bidder

GNC23:09 Florida Quarantined
Millions of old people are stuck in Florida as it is now officially quarantined. Military troops have been deployed. There is no comet from the CDC so far on the nature of the thread.

GNC23:09 APP Leader Shot Dead
Leader of the American Power Party, John Ricaud has been gunned down at a rally in Houston. FBI have been called in to investigate.

GNC23:10 Floridon't
The entire state of Florida is now under quarantine, including a military presence. Bad news for anyone planning a visit to Disneyland.

GNC23:12 Patriot News Arrested
The Editor of Patriot News has been arrested by the FBI. We're not sure why, but we *think* it's because he hasn't shared his chocolate digestives...

GNC23:13 White House All Talk
NASA Professor, Yaz has bemoaned a lack of funding towards her agency. "It's a dangerous time we live in. The Government seems to spend a lot of time talking and not acting."

GNC23:16 People are Ignorant declares President
Criticism of the slow pace of decision making by his executive team were poorly answered today by a flustered President John. "Those who challenges us may not know as much as they think they do" he whimpered.

GNC23:23 Kicking and screaming
European football stadium floodlights are being replaced with with UV lighting so "the crowd can make it home safely"; causing widespread fear of a vampire uprising. N24 would like it noted she finds the idea of sitting through a football match more horrifying than the undead.

GNC23:24 White House Discuss Monsters
It appears that any condemnation of the new executive team is grossly unfair, despite confirmation that crisis talks have included discussion of Zombie and Vampire threats.

GNC23:25 Retraction
N24 apologises for raising any undue concern about visits to Disneyland. It is DisneyWORLD you are no longer able to visit due to the Florida quarantine.

GNC23:26 Flying off shelves
CBC's Avian Flu vaccine has been deployed across America and Europe at a fixed-rate price. President John is encouraging "everybody to get some". You heard the man.

GNC23:26 Going Cheep - Bird Flu Jab on Sale
CDC has approved the sale of it's vaccine across the globe. President John, who conducted his own press briefing, highlighted that prices have been fixed to ensure affordable for all.

GNC23:27 FBI out of control?
A friend of the former president with connections to the white house has made us aware of the fact that the government is using 'under the table' money to arrest news personnel! Trying to cancel the freedom of speech we need a change in government asap.

GNC23:27 President puts Country at Risk
Prosperity Owner and Business Guru, Dougie McDoug has blasted decisions to refuse to cooperate with his company despite his super weapon being available.

GNC23:28 APP leader assasinated
FBI was seen at together with the murderer. At the moment it isn't sure if they escorted or sustained the killer.

GNC23:30 APP on the terrorist list not true
To correct claims of the APP being on the official terrorist list we checked with the constitution and it seems parties are still legal in our beautiful country.

GNC23:31 Corporate Moron
President John has condemned Dougie McDoug CEO of Prosperity and called him a "moron" for his outrageous views that "endanger America". Further rumors suggest FBI have been called to investigate his background and current financial interests.

GNC23:34 Patriot Media to face Corruption Charges
Angel-faced Editor Luka is currently under investigation by the FBI who have grown concerned with his close ties to APP and suspected government officials.

GNC23:36 Breaking Bad News
There is currently an eclipse going on across Latin America. Grab your crucifixes, folks!!

GNC23:36 Patriot Broadcast suing Government
After the recent detention of the head of Patriot Broadcast an FBI official admitted that the charges were based on a news report that claimed that the APP were a terrorist organisation which wasn't true at that time. Patriot Broadcast is suing the government for sever reparations in compensation of detention without legal chargers.

GNC23:42 Throat Cure Saves Brazil
Another victory for science vs evil bugs as American corporation launches cure for throat virus. Nearly the entire population of Brazil are expected to benefit ready to host this year's Olympics.

GNC23:42 Old Orange Vampires
The quarantine in Florida is a disease that is highly increasing aggressive behavior according to a CDC official. The quarantine is holding but we need to help the masses of old people fighting down there.

GNC23:44 24 returns for a new season
Jack Bauer is coming back for yet another hellish day. Likely threats are expected to be Zombie Warrior Robots with Throat Infections. Product Placement deals are yet to be confirmedd

GNC23:46 Evidence against Ex-President Forged
Evidence in the case against former head of White House, Thimmy has been found as fake as keen eyed reporter, Derek Hayes spotted a spelling mistake in the forged signature. Timmy Mallett has been blamed.

GNC23:46 Leaks and Robots
Sources at the FBI have leaked an "intercepted" letter from 1st Pragmatic Group to the APP that suggests replacing the government with robots. N24 is unsure if this would change the current political situation, but likes the idea of how this would affect the weekly Oval Office Dance Party.

GNC23:47 Vampires are the Real Threat
Prosperity Corp has begun cloning garlic plants in a bid to plant fear about vampires. Dougie McDoug, who President John recently outed as a moron is investing heavily as he feals "this is the real threat to US safety".

GNC23:47 D-syndrom spreading
According to the President the D-Syndrome is spreading to other States in the US. Are we really doing enough. In other News the APP just made a proposal to counter the disease.

GNC23:49 Garlic Myth Busted
Scientists from CDC have refused to respond to questions relating to the effectiveness of garlic in warding off vampires. Sales of wooden stakes have yet to increase.

GNC23:55 No respond to D-syndrome outbreaks outside of Florida
According to a DOD official there is no responds to outbreaks of the D-Syndrom outside of Florida yet. How long before the government reacts? APPs plan is still on the table which suggests more private public partnerships. At the same time we have reports from homeland security on Zombies Arizona.

GNC23:56 Brain-king News
ZOMBIE OUTBREAK IN ARIZONA! Run. Just, run.

GNC23:56 NASA Lacks Direction
Agents of NASA have been seen wandering aimlessly looking for contracts and purpose. Who can help?

GNC23:56 Peru Vulcan errupts
10 thousand dead.

GNC23:56 Another Volcano Erupts
Can we take any more bad news? Peru is now fucked as thousands die.

GNC23:57 APP officially on Terrorist List
Spokesperson for White House confirms APP is now prime target for Government efforts.

GNC23:57 Why we can't put parties on the
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GNC23:58 Robots vs. Vampires
1st Pragmatic Group has released a statement confirming its military robots are successfully battling robot vampires. The source could not confirm the location of the vampires. N24 remains suspicious.

GNC23:59 Further Moronic Claims
Douglas McDerranged has been spotted spreading claims that garlic can cure radicalisation as well as prevent Zombie attacks. Sales of the stinky herb/vegetable are expected to fluctuate a small amount.

GNC23:59 Democracy in danger!
Ones again the government is trying to put a legal party on the terrorist list. Is this just to up their chances in the next election?

GNC00:09 New Vacine
UFV develops improved bird vaccine to minimize current side effects.

GNC00:09 APP leadership changing
After the assassination of their leader the APP is now voting on new leadership.

GNC00:10 Court Case settles
The US government agreed on settling the legal issue with Patriot Broadcasting out side of court.

GNC00:11 Rumour Has It
1st Pragmatic Group is claiming that Commodity Adept bribed the NSA to frame 1st PG of trying to overthrow the government. N24 wants everyone to start playing nice, please, so they can get back to watching kitten videos on YouTube.

GNC00:15 Japan Ceases Dangerous Experiments
President praises Japan for not causing any more earthquakes.

GNC00:15 APP not on terrorist list
Contrary to GNC report on APP being listed as a terrorist groups government officials couldn't confirm that.

GNC00:16 Does God have a place in Politics?
President John has created intrigue by referencing God twice in his one minute speech today. This follows rumours that crucifixes have been shipped into the White House by the garden door.

GNC00:18 APP announces new leadership in a week
After the resent summit of the APP base the APP announced they have elected a new leader whos person is to be announced in the coming week.

GNC00:22 Zombies created by Airborne Disease
New fears have developed linking recent global threats, including Zombification to airborne infection. Agencies have been asked to investigate solutions and corporate bids are encouraged.

GNC00:24 Asteroid dust linked to Zombie flu
Populations in Europe and Northern America (not including Canada) have started wearing face masks to protect themselves from dust particles thought to be linked to outbreaks of Zombie flu.

GNC00:26 Doom and gloom
A source has confirmed investigations are underway regarding the current threats from airborne diseases, but the government does not enough money to complete its research. N24 suggests you start building a bomb shelter in your back garden and stocking up on spaghetti hoops.

GNC00:26 Where is the Leadership?
Three more agencies have come forward to criticize inaction from the US president. A spokesperson for PJ said "he really is trying to get round to see everyone but our main focus has to be understanding the virus threats".

GNC00:28 Global Death Toll hits 100 Million
Misery has never been more widespread as yet more deaths announced. Governments across the globe are now struggling to maintain control as individual populations cry out for decisive action to save lives.

GNC00:29 APP to stop D-Syndrom
APP announced to help quarantining D-Syndrome infected with newly formed militia. A spokesman said that they want to do their share to make America great again.

GNC00:31 US people kept in dark about D-Day threat
CDC are refusing to disclose the exact threat posed by the D-Virus, another government agency has confirmed.

GNC00:34 DOD checking if they can utilize APP militia to contain D-Syndrom
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GNC00:35 Prosperity Shares Still Available
Despite poor public opinion recently, share prices for one of the US major corporations remain high with 50% up for sale.

GNC00:38 Patriot in bed with APP
The Editor of Patriot Broadcasting has been confirmed as official leader of the APP. N24 feels it can no longer trust PB. In fact, it's a little hurt.

GNC00:39 American Power to take on Virus
Corp UFV have today confirmed they are combining forces with APP to tackle the threat of the D-Virus. With growing membership the APP has been identified as the most effective means of spreading the now proven vaccination.

GNC00:44 APP and UFV release vacine for D-Syndrom
Together the two organization developed the first working treatment for the D-Syndrome. Another victory for a partnership between UFV and the APP. This shows that if we pull together we can make America great again!

GNC00:44 Birds and the D's
Unified Financial Vision has announced that its Avian Flu vaccine has also been found to cure D-syndrome. UFV and APP are working together to distribute the vaccine across the US.

GNC00:46 New Leadership announced
After the resend success of the roll out of the D-Syndrome drug. APP now announced their new leader to be a main figure on the political floor.

GNC00:46 US wakes up to Zombie threat
$200 Million has been spent by APP in association with UFV to adapt Avian Flu vaccine to impact D-Virus causing zombification across the Southern Hemisphere

GNC00:47 N24 wins Award for Raising Spirits
Sister media company, N24 has today been praised for boosting morale in hard times.Editor Katie said she was pleased to use her talents for the greater good. Also that she could wear a nice dress to collect the award.

GNC00:49 APP leadership revealt
Today the new leader of the APP revealed his identity. As many suspected it is famous CEO of Patriot Broadcasting. He was proud that APP is contributing to solve the D-Syndrome Crisis and offered help to the US military and the CDC in form of militias to help with the quarantine.

GNC00:54 Cure Distribution Going Well
Confirmed APP leader, Luka Angel has described his own personal pride that D-Virus cases are under control thanks to widespread distribution. He called on the White House to acknowledge this achievement despite opposing political views.

GNC00:59 Vampires are a Red Herring
Calls for President John to resign have resurfaced as he faces pressure to properly recognise the threat of Zombies moving in from Florida. Sources close to the White House have confirmed his private obsession with Vampires is putting the last remaining safe states at risk

GNC00:59 One giant slap in the face for mankind
NASA has chosen to spend millions of dollars of government money to work with Commodity Adept to film a fake moon landing, instead of investing in D-virus vaccinations.

GNC00:59 President might be Vampire
An anonymous source claims that our nation is actually run by a Vampire. Wake up America! We need the change.

GNC01:01 Inadept use of Commodities
In the face of Global CATASTROPHE the US President has been accused of wasting over $100 million funding NASA. This follows coverage of the agencies attempts to fake a moon landing video.

GNC01:01 Funds abused?
There are rumors that our President is abusing funds for his own benefit. That has to stop. Let's make America great again with the only option we have APP.

GNC01:04 Zombies "No Longer a Threat"
Commodity Adept Corporation has been lauded by the people for attempting to excuse it's investment in fake moon landing videos whilst Zombification continues. The ponytailed CEO is expected to resign.

GNC01:05 FBI bribing media
Our reporters were seeing other channels news personnel being bribed by an FBI official.

GNC01:06 John Snow
President John has allegedly been seen taking cocaine while on his private yacht.

GNC01:07 CIA investigate threat in Eastern Europe
A new threat is emerging in Eastern Europe and the CIA have been tasked to investigate. It is thought there are ties to US Government officials. More news as it breaks.

GNC01:08 APP secures location after explosion
After the explosion of the FPRG factory APP Militia quickly secured the side because government troops were taking to long.

GNC01:08 Winter is Coming!!!!
White walkers from Eastern Europe have been seen boarding boats to America in scenes reminiscent of TV drama Game of Thrones.

GNC01:10 Organic Food Linked to Zombie Flu
Prosperity Corporation has released new evidence of a link between contaminated food stuffs considered 'organic' and the ongoing zombification of populations in Spain and Poland. The public are advised to take cover and stock up on safe products including Cloned Custard.

GNC01:12 Sabotage?
A factory owned by 1st PG, which was manufacturing UV light guns, has been destroyed in a mysterious explosion. The cause is currently unknown.

GNC01:13 UFV sacks Head of Science
The lead researcher at Corporate UFV has announced a sacking following discoveries that research was falsified with regards to the effects of the D-Virus. Head of Corp, Sarah said it was a national disgrace.

GNC01:14 Bitter pill to swallow
The FBI has discovered that vaccines being distributed in Europe are actually placebos.

GNC01:15 Dark Wings, Dark Words
In a further Game of Thrones rip off, attention is now focused on reasons why D-Virus vaccination evidence was falsified.

GNC01:16 APP asking for early elections
Waiting for Presidents respond

GNC01:17 Weak leadership from President
During his state of the nation speech the President was interrupted multiple times showing his weak leadership.

GNC01:17 All Viruses Linked
Various strains of viruses are linked by one source infection, President confirms as he committed money to CDC research.

GNC01:19 President Praised for Free Speech
By allowing interruptions, President Jon Snow has been celebrated for welcoming input from all.

GNC01:20 Prosperity Prospers through New Deal
Former 'Moron' Douglas McDoug has confirmed a much improved relationship with senior Government officials as he admits new contract for food production funded by official committee.

GNC01:20 Florida Breaches
President John has confirmed that the quarantine applied to Florida has been breached, with infected citizens moving into neighbouring states. Assurance as to how the government plans to manage this outbreak has yet to be received.

GNC01:24 President in talks with all Corporations
Senior Officials from at least two major corporations have been welcomed into the President's secret chambers for round table discussions.

GNC01:27 President is a Neck Biter
It has been confirmed that President Jon Snow does indeed know something. He has just been advised he is a vampire and they have now seized control of the Government.

GNC01:28 Head of UFV is a Neck Biter
Following news of fake viruses, evil Sarah has been confirmed as a member of the Vampire Elite.

STAY ON TARGET